Lead Yourself First Before You Lead A Team: Giving And Receiving Feedback

Almost everyone has found themselves in a leadership position at one point or another in their careers. Whether the role is officially part of someone’s job description or an unsolicited assignment, the reality is that leaders are born and bred every day. Sooner or later, we are all tasked with guiding a project, initiative, or group of people, and the best way to prepare for this is to develop leadership skills.

Leading a team can be daunting, especially if the team consists of colleagues who are also peers. Navigating the dynamics of being a friend and a leader can be tricky and requires a set of skills that blends professionalism with empathy.

The first step toward mastering this balance is to lead yourself. By optimizing personal performance through self-awareness and a growth mindset, you can more effectively fulfill your responsibilities as a leader and amplify the performance of those around you.

This article focuses on the crucial yet undervalued skill of giving and receiving feedback within the context of leadership. By internalizing the lessons in this piece, you’ll be ready to take on a leadership role with clarity, conviction, and compassion. Whether you’re managing a team of salespeople or leading any other group of individuals, good leadership is good leadership; the principles remain the same. Let’s dive in.

The Power Of Feedback

For many, the word “feedback” conjures up feelings of dread, anxiety, and a trip down memory lane filled with uncomfortable interactions, missed opportunities, and in some cases, even regression to childhood trauma.

But before we tackle the how, let’s focus on the why. Why is feedback so important, and why do we need to incorporate it into our leadership strategy? Quite simply, feedback is the catalyst for growth. It enables us to tune in to the perspectives of others, validate our own thoughts and experiences, and create a roadmap for improvement.

Harvard Business School professor and author Amy Edmondson describes the corrosive effects of silence on teamwork: “Mutual trust and respect are increasingly eroded, conflict becomes more frequent, and feelings of well-being and satisfaction decline.” The only way to counteract these damaging effects is to confront them head-on by inviting feedback, especially when it’s difficult to hear.

On the giving side, studies show that providing feedback can be equally therapeutic. A 2015 study found that when individuals gave constructive feedback to peers, they experienced increased emotional intelligence, including heightened awareness and empathy. Giving feedback allows us to reflect on our own values and motives and strengthens our emotional well-being. It’s a win-win.

It’s important to remember that feedback should not be reserved solely for leadership or developmental contexts. It’s a tool for everyday interactions that can strengthen relationships and heighten professional respect. When feedback is a regular part of operations, leaders create an environment where everyone feels safe to learn and grow.

Giving Feedback Like A Pro

Giving feedback is not a skill that comes naturally to most people. It often evokes discomfort and anxiety, but these feelings can be overcome with preparedness and practice. If you’re about to lead a team, or you’re looking to boost your leadership performance, start with these steps to giving great feedback:

1. From Hostility To Humility

Feedback is only valuable if it’s received, which is why it’s crucial to approach the process with humility and respect for your teammate or peer. Keep in mind that feedback is not an indictment of character but rather an opportunity to enhance performance, relationships, and outcomes.

Humility also means acknowledging your own subjectivity. Feedback is colored by our own perspectives, so it’s important to be open about your own biases and limitations. Welcome the other person’s take on things and be willing to adjust your own perception in the interest of mutual growth.

2. Aim For Progress, Not Perfection

The goal of giving feedback is to inspire progress and performance improvement. Progress is rarely (if ever) a straight line, so it’s important to keep this in mind when developing your feedback strategy. Focus on tangible actions and specific behaviors to avoid criticism and defensiveness. When you emphasize the behavior rather than the person, you make it easier for them to hear, absorb, and act on what you’re saying.

3. Don’t Delay, Deliver

When you procrastinate on delivering feedback, you sacrifice the element of surprise, and you risk alienating and even offending someone by the mere fact that they are unaware of any issues. This is where many leaders falter, either because they fail to address issues at all or because they neglect to do so in a timely manner. Timing is everything: When you see a problem, address it immediately.

When emotions are running high, it’s tempting to put off difficult conversations, but addressing issues in the moment will always yield better results. Of course, this isn’t always possible, so the next best thing is to schedule conversations promptly and stick to that schedule. The longer you wait, the harder it will be for both parties.

4. Prepare, But Don’t Script

It’s impossible to overstate the importance of preparation when it comes to giving feedback. Especially when there are tricky interpersonal dynamics at play, it’s essential to map out what you want to say ahead of time.

On the other hand, don’t script your feedback conversation word for word. Nothing will make the recipient feel more uncomfortable or under pressure than someone reciting a rehearsed speech. Instead, create a detailed outline of the points you want to cover and weave in relevant examples as you go.

5. Begin With The Positives

Begin by highlighting the person’s strengths and successes before diving into development areas. Not only will this make the recipient feel more confident and receptive to hearing the rest of your feedback, but it will also help them to understand the areas in need of improvement within the context of their existing strengths.

This doesn’t mean that you should sugarcoat or avoid conflicts. It’s all about balance. Remember the goal is to inspire progress, not perfection. Pointing out weaknesses without first acknowledging strengths can be a quick shortcut to defensiveness. No one wants to feel attacked, so begin with the positives and navigate the conversation from there.

6. Focus On Behavior, Not Personality

As already noted, it’s important to focus on specific behaviors, actions, or strategies rather than making assessments about the person’s character or personality. Phrasing is everything. Instead of “You are disorganized,” try “Your report could benefit from more structure and clarity.” Instead of “You come across as uninterested,” say “I feel as though some of your facial expressions may be misinterpreted by clients.”

7. Make It About Growth, Not Fixation

Ultimately, feedback is about growth, not just for the recipient but for the giver as well. When you approach feedback conversations with this in mind, it’s easier to separate the person from the performance and remember that the end goal is to help that person grow and improve.

Give your teammates and colleagues the opportunity to speak and listen actively to what they have to say. When people feel heard and validated, they become more open to accepting and integrating feedback. Remember, a feedback conversation is a dialogue, not a monologue.

8. Create A Feedback-Friendly Culture

As a leader, it’s your responsibility to establish a culture that values feedback and makes it an integral part of operations. This means normalizing feedback by soliciting it often and in a variety of contexts. Leading by example is always the best place to start, so make sure you’re open to feedback yourself. Remember, you’re a leader, but you’re also a team player, so take the initiative to ask for feedback on your leadership performance.

In doing so, you set the tone for how to be a good follower as well. Model the behavior you’d like to see in others, and don’t hesitate to acknowledge and learn from your mistakes. Nothing builds trust quite like honesty and vulnerability, and showing that you’re willing to take risks for the sake of growth will do wonders for your team’s performance.

Receiving Feedback Gracefully

As a leader, it’s not enough to dish out feedback; you also have to be able to receive it. Receiving feedback from your peers is inevitably more uncomfortable than doing so from your superiors. Because leadership often involves befriending your colleagues or peers, the line between work and friendship can become blurred, and feedback can become a loaded issue.

So, how can you set the stage for a productive feedback conversation with your peers or teammates? Start with these steps:

1. Create Psychological Safety

Ensure that you create a safe space where your peers or teammates feel comfortable expressing their thoughts and opinions about your leadership performance. As a leader, it’s your responsibility to encourage an open dialogue about your strengths and areas of improvement.

2. Model The Behavior You Want To See

If you expect your teammates to be open to feedback, you need to lead by example. When someone offers feedback, thank them for it, absorb it, and genuinely consider it. Your teammates will be watching your reaction closely; if you seem defensive, angry, or dismissive, they’ll be less likely to offer you feedback in the future. Feedback is a gift, so treat it as such.

3. Focus On Behavior, Not Personality

This is a tricky one, as feedback from peers can often be more personal than that from superiors or direct reports. Your colleagues are more likely to reference behaviors rather than personality traits, but if they do slip into describing your personality, help them redirect by asking questions about the behaviors that led them to their assessment.

For example, if someone says, “You come across as uninterested,” you could respond with, “Can you give me an example of how my demeanor specifically impacted our team’s performance?”

4. It’s Not Personal, It’s Developmental

Even if the feedback feels personal, it’s important to separate the feedback from the feedback giver. Remember that they’re trying to help you improve as a leader, and that their feedback is inherently developmental. Even if the delivery is less than ideal, try to find the kernel of truth or areas of improvement in what they’ve told you.

5. Redefine Failure

Failure is a learning opportunity, not a measure of your worth as a human being. Separate your ego from your performance and remember that failure is a necessary step on the road to success.

6. Feedback Isn’t A Once-Off

Make an effort to regularly solicit feedback from your peers. This will help you avoid those dreaded surprise assessments during performance review time. As a leader, you should be proactive in seeking feedback so that you can continually improve your performance and the overall team performance.

7. Clarify And Confirm

If you don’t fully understand the feedback you’re given, ask for clarification. Use active listening techniques like paraphrasing to ensure you’ve got the correct context and to help the other person know that you’re engaged in the conversation.

For example, you might say, “I want to clarify my understanding of your feedback. Are you saying that my decision to delegate the X task to our team resulted in a missed deadline?”

This gives them a chance to correct any misunderstandings and offers you a golden opportunity to learn from your mistakes.

8. Thank The Giver

This may seem like a no-brainer, but thanking the person for their feedback, especially if it’s negative, is an art in itself. Avoid dismissing the feedback or the person giving it. A simple “thank you” can go a long way in making the other person feel valued and validated.

Remember, you can add context without being dismissive. For example, “Thank you for your feedback. I’m always looking to improve my performance as a leader, and I appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me.”

Even if the feedback stings, make sure you offer a genuine token of your appreciation. You can do this without sacrificing your boundaries or self-respect.

9. Reflect, Then React

After you’ve received feedback, take some time to yourself to process and reflect on the conversation. When you’re ready, develop a plan of action for improving your performance and leadership based on the feedback you’ve received.

10. Bridge The Feedback Loop

Once you’ve implemented a change based on a specific piece of feedback, ask your teammates to provide feedback on the changes they’ve observed. This helps you know if you’re on the right track and gives them an opportunity to provide additional insights.

Conclusion

Leading a team can be complex, especially when it comes to giving and receiving feedback. These skills are ones you’ll develop throughout your career, and even the most experienced leaders can always sharpen their feedback-giving and -receiving abilities.

Remember that feedback is a tool to help you grow as a leader and improve overall team performance. Giving feedback can be challenging, but approaching it with humility, preparedness, and a growth mindset will help you through even the most difficult of conversations.

Receiving feedback can be equally daunting, but approaching it with an open mind, a willingness to learn, and respect for the person giving the feedback will help you maximize your leadership performance.

Remember that leadership isn’t just about telling people what to do; it’s about developing people, including yourself. Give others, and yourself, the gift of feedback, and watch your performance, and the performance of your team, soar.

IT Leadership